Your Floor Is My Ceiling

The Notorious Bettie Page

2006-06-06T18:30:00.000-04:00

This movie came out a few weeks ago and since then, I have been meaning to write about it. (PS: I have been so busy, I feel like I haven't any time for blogging lately. Hopefully, it will slow down a bit now that the summer is here.) It was done well considering what they had to work with and when I say that, I mean that Bettie wasn’t some heroin addict whore who got found salvation in being a pinup model. It’s not like the whole act of posing saved her from something. She really just kind of fell into it. I think that’s why people who saw it didn’t really think it was a great movie. They didn’t sensationalize her the way they usually do in these biographical dramas. If you have read any books on Bettie, you will probably understand why I thought the movie wasn’t bad like all the critics made it out to be. If you haven’t seen this movie yet, I would recommend it. If it is still playing, it’s only in select movie theaters around the country.

Nobody Loves You

2006-03-26T20:39:00.000-05:00

These are lyrics from a Garbage song called "Nobody Loves You". Not trying to be morbid, just trying to be expressive about an aspect of myself.

Watching the days slip by so fast
Knowing our fate has long been cast
Working our fingers to the bone
Cause nobody loves you when you're gone
Coughing up feeling just for you
To find something real to hold on to
But there is a hole inside my heart
Where all of my love comes pouring out
You know you'll always be my man
But grab yourself sweetness where you can
Cause sooner or later we're going to die

Left to the dogs under the sky
I cracked a piece of broken glass
Coughing up feeling just for you
To find something real to hold on to
But there is a hole inside my heart
Where waves of my love come tumbling out
You say that all the good is gone
That i have forgotten who i am
Free as a bird
Wild as the wind
But somehow i cannot let you in

The Old Office

2006-02-28T22:47:00.000-05:00

Yes, I do miss my old office. Shame that I never even bothered to decorate it. I was told that I'd only be working in that building temporarily. So, unfortunetely, I'm working out of a "large cube" now. But, for those of you who didn't see the former office, here are the pictures. If it looks like a tornado came through, it was because I was in the middle of moving.

Two Sides of Marilyn Monroe

2006-02-26T21:05:00.000-05:00

I recently saw a documentary on Marilyn. She has always been an intriguing person, but people remember her beauty, style, and grace, not for the internal turmoil she experienced through her life.

The documentary portrayed her as a female who yielded a lot of power, but the only one she did not have power over was her alter ego, Marilyn Monroe. She was born as Norma Jean Baker, and interestingly enough, individuals that interacted with Marilyn stated that sometimes she had referred to herself in third person.

Maybe there were duel personalities? I suppose others would think it’s rather troubling. I think it’s intriguing because maybe she was very much in control of “Marilyn Monroe” and who she wanted her to be. I personally believe she knew there were two different people there. And, I think maybe what was depressing to her is that she knew people loved Marilyn Monroe, but what about loving Norma Jean Baker?

She is not alone. I think I have my Norma Jean side and my Marilyn side. The Marilyn side is my best foot forward, my controlled, savvy self. The Norma Jean side is my more vulnerable self, less likely to come out. I almost never let that side out. In fact, someone the other day asked my how I can be so cool about a situation…how do I have the ability to just let it roll off me like raindrops? Then, about a week ago, people who I had not seen (and barely knew me by the way) showered me with so many compliments. “Wow, you look great! You always have such style!” “How’s the job? Exciting I bet!”

I politely thank them for their compliments. I am never ungrateful, but it is almost as if I feel guilt because I’m just showing them what I want to show them. It’s not really real sometimes, I choose to show them my Marilyn side, so it is almost as though it does not deserve a compliment. It’s nothing extraordinary really because we are all the same.

ReInvention

2006-02-06T21:56:00.000-05:00

The morphing of oneself is important to survival. In other words, it’s growth. The word “growth” has lost its initial thrust and power due to the excessive use in common conversation. I use the term “reinvention” in its place.

We are all constantly changing inside. This means that this change needs to work its way outward as well. I have learned over the years that if it does not, this will be trapped inside—imprisoned.

I have learned that if I’m not learning or exploring, I get bored—stale—despondent even. I wake up in the morning and it is nothing special, but I must remind myself that everyday that I have the ability to wake is miraculous.

People say, “Life is not a movie.” If life isn’t a movie, why is it some of the best movies are about people’s lives? But, people do not mentally extend themselves beyond that. Isn’t reality in the eye of the beholder?

For example, I have always thought that a photographer has a special ability. It is not just a person using a point and click device. They can give you proof of their adventures. The photos are usually real—raw—ripe with emotion. The photographer is showing you what they see. And, it’s the perfect metaphor for how I think people should view their lives.

Look at your life through an artistic lens. You will be surprised what you will see.

ReInvention has saved me many times in my life. It has given me the opportunity to reflect on myself every few months. I creates the newness I need to keep life interesting and entertaining—building upon the good and scraping away at the bad.

The Abortion Rights Battle: Why Are We Here Again?

2006-01-23T22:55:00.000-05:00

The fact that this is even still an issue troubles me. It almost appears as though we’ve regressed as a society. Perhaps its us women that got a little ‘sloppy’ in dealing with our affairs and rights. I think that maybe we were conned or wanted to be conned into thinking that the equal rights struggle was over. All of us, and I do mean all of us, have let down our guard.

Yes, we kind of got distracted thinking that the mess was cleaned up. Apparently, the puddle was still there and now we have just slipped in it. Now, you have two options. You can get back up or you could just lay there and get trampled.

I was reading an article on Yahoo! News with someone quoted as saying, “I don’t think it should be a woman’s issue….It should be viewed as a human-rights issue because the babies have a right to life.” It struck me as quite the contradiction because women are human and stating that it should be about human rights is almost stating that women are not human. But, sadly, maybe that’s what some people are trying to say.

If we let random individuals in this country have a say as to what you do with your body, then we’re in big trouble. It would probably start a tidal wave effect. It would not happen overnight, but gradually overtime. It could effect your right to get cosmetic surgery—anything from breast implants to laser eye surgery. People would argue that it is not natural to tamper with the body. If you were born with a clef or no eyelids, the option to get corrective surgery may not be an option anymore. But, when it comes down to it, what is the purpose of these surgical procedures? Whether it be medical or cosmetic, it exists to improve the quality of life. Likewise, I believe that the option for a termination procedure exists to improve a person’s quality of life. More than likely, a 14-year old female is not ready to be a mother. A female should not have to carry the baby of someone who raped her. Sometimes contraception fails. Or, sometimes people just make mistakes. If possible, why should that person have to live with that mistake for the rest of her life...or even his life for that matter?

The Secrets of Truth and Happiness

2005-08-27T01:40:00.000-04:00

I’m starting to believe that it is in our DNA to make ourselves unhappy. Because, when you actually are happy, you either feel guilty for feeling happy or being happy just does not feel right. There’s always something looming underneath the surface that will undermine your happiness. But, I do believe that if we are conscious of this, we can take a step back, take a deep breath and keep yourself in check.

Thinking has always been a dangerous thing. If my thoughts progress in a particular direction, then that can affect the way I am, how I see things, or what I do for the rest of the day or for a week. Then, once the tide changes, the perception will change. It’s easier to be busy. It is because you don’t have to face your concerns, you don’t have to face the truth.

This is interesting because many people are constantly on the go with busy work schedules and life maintenance tasks. So, there are no opportunities to face the truth. In fact, the truth disappears temporarily. The truth does not exist. But, it’s still there buried beneath the dishes that need to be washed or within the paperwork that needs to be sifted through. There’s no need to say what’s on your mind, there’s nothing you have to get off your chest, there aren’t feelings of loneliness or depression.

But, when you finally sit back in your chair for a second and think, it’s all there. It doesn’t hit you like a brick thrown at your head, but truth seeps over your body very slowly. You sink into it like quicksand.

But, maybe I was wrong. Maybe it’s not in our DNA to be naturally unhappy with ourselves. Maybe it’s really just a matter of confronting the truth? Hopefully someday I’ll know. It seems to make sense. If a person can be truthful in every aspect of their life, there’s no more hiding or covering up or deceiving…no more being things you just aren’t. You could be more free as a person and then maybe that would at least provide you with a clean palette before you can start to figure out what will truly make you happy.

I believe (meaning that this is my opinion) I’ve been good at looking into myself—being introspective in trying to figure out how I am and what will make me happy. I think that I’m doing well in comparison to other people in my age bracket. However, I get so easily frustrated with other people who consistently fail to confront the truth. It’s rather annoying when people run away from it and they even know they run away from it. I can’t imagine a life where one is always running because eventually you’ll collapse and fall.

I think there are a lot of people who ponder, why am I here? What’s my purpose in this life, in this world especially if someday we will die anyways? I would think there had to be an objective, otherwise, what’s the point, right? And, that being said, an objective is something that is not easy, it is not given. It’s actually something that’s hard. That being said, it seems like all of mankind would being striving for something not easy. It would be working towards something, but tangible things are easier to attain versus non-tangible things. So, based on that, it’s something non-tangible. So, it has to be some kind of concept. Mankind lives for the purpose of gaining some sort of concept. The most sought after conceptual thing I can think of is love. Thus, it seems, mankind’s objective is love.

If we live for love, then it seems like the only thing that should upset us is if we don’t have this love we look for. Forget about the fact some guy cut you off or that you didn’t meet the deadline for a project at work or that your acrylic nail broke off. It seems like love is the essence of why we live, not anything else really. It seems to be my experience that if a person appears to be seriously despondent by trifle things that occur in life, they are using it as a distraction, a coping mechanism. It’s merely another layer to peel away before you get to the truth.
I think that people who are fortunate enough to find love are damn lucky. It makes a person’s existence more bright and crisp. Maybe the food tastes a little better, or the sun’s a little brighter. Maybe the music is more touching or the laughter is a bit more genuine. And, even though someone might try to come around to tell you the food is just the same or the weather’s the same as the day before, it won’t matter because the truth is what you perceive it to be. A person’s truth is defined by the person. So, as long as someone is truthful to himself—his soul—the fibers of his being, then that’s all that matters. Perhaps that is the road to happiness.

The New Breed

2005-07-21T21:32:00.000-04:00

In the midst of the typical white conservative rhetoric, there is a new breed of individuals that are rising and they are prevalent mostly in urban city areas. The Metrosexual and The Contrasexual. Neither of these terms are usually meant to be used in some sort of derogatory sense. A metrosexual is a male who pays particular attention to his wardrobe, hair, skin, lifestyle, and his overall psychical presentation is well thought out. He might be a friendly, social butterfly that calls his hair gel ‘product,’ have 15 pairs of shoes in his closet, and be a knowledgeable regular at a local urban art gallery. A contrasexual is a woman that is career-focused, successful and established, and if there is a man in her life, he’s second, third, or maybe even fourth. She’ll be a go-getter with a nice place and might get married and have children in her thirties.

This budding shift is interesting because they break the typical gender stereotypes. If this wall were to come down, people could more freely live the lifestyle they so choose without any negative feelings or repercussions. This could lead to achieving a level of happiness higher than prior generations and overall societal advancement. It appears as though the metrosexual lifestyle displays no hint of violence and aggression, while contrasexuals endorse high achievements in academia as a foundation for being successful.

So, why would some people be opposed to this?

Remember, it is typically extremist conservatives that are against this. For example, the acceptance of homosexuality and metrosexuality undermine the ideas and attitudes that unite the extremist conservation party together. It is based on male dominance, incorrect ideas or interpretations they refer to as ‘ethics and morals’, and last but not least, the Bible. The last statement of the Bible is not an attack on religion itself or specifically Roman Catholicism, but rather the ‘concept of an opinionated way of living.’ Who am I to dictate how my neighbor should live?

Perhaps, the main point here is that it’s not just homosexuals or bisexuals that are at risk. Everyone else outside that bracket and the conservative bracket is at risk as well. It’s the straight man who chooses to live his life in a metrosexual manner, or the straight woman who chooses to live her life in a contrasexual manner. See, because the bottom line is that if we are focused and successful, stylish and urban, if we shun out-dated philosophy, and embrace a 2005 mind-set, then we are all living an alterative lifestyle.

Toxicity Intolerance

2005-07-16T22:23:00.000-04:00

Maybe I’m in a particular point or stage in my life, but I don’t seem to tolerate many people these days.

About 85% of the people around me are spiraling out of control. They are trapped in a steel cage of their own problems that range from psychical/emotional disorders, financial problems, self-exploration, sloth, dreaming-never-doing syndrome, sleeping, conflicted love interests, or just plain ignorance. The people I’m surrounded with are people who I choose to be around, forced to be around, or people that come into my life like a revolving door. It’s a mixed bag of personality types, but I wonder why these people can’t get their shit together.

Yes, nothing is ever black and white, but what ever happened to having the momentum to make a decision? Just make a choice and put the issue to bed.

Unfortunately, people are stuck in some sort of purgatory, that place that’s between heaven and hell. I think people look up and then look down wondering what place heaven is, but you won’t ever know unless you choose…unless there’s a step forward in some sort of direction.

But, I wonder what my issue is. If a person turns out to be a toxic person (a term I have for negative people), I’m more prone than ever to cut them off. I dealt with a lot of highly volatile people in my younger days. I learned my lesson by carrying the cross for them, but at the end of the day, for some reason I was ME that was being nailed to it.

I’ll still carry the cross for someone, but they have to give me something. They need to assure me that they first of all want to reverse their plight and that I’m not going to be the punching bag for their frustrations.

And, to further elaborate, how good can I be to anyone if there are too many toxic people around me just sucking the life out of me? What good things can happen if I’m just trying to pass off my toxins to the person in order to survive?
So, for all the people that have toxic people in their lives, I hope all of you can see the bigger picture. Eventually, the poison that’s inside you will ‘kill’ you and it’s pretty safe to assume that you ain’t doing anyone any good if you’re ‘dead’.

Love and Hate

2005-07-03T01:01:00.000-04:00

Hate is rooted in Love.

This, I know to be true. Hate is spawned from Love. It’s so simple and that’s probably why it’s hard to realize.

I remember my dreams sometimes. Peculiar ones about me driving a white bus filled with Special Ed kids. Poor, misfortunate kids with down turned eyelids and muffled voices. I had been driving for a hour or two in the dark and they plead with me that they need to go to the bathroom. We’re out in the middle of nowhere driving down a slightly worn path in the middle of a gigantic corn field and midnight blue sky. I give up, stop the short bus, and let the kids off. All of a sudden…panic. All eight of them dive off the bus and run in every direction. I can’t control them and they’re freaking out and that makes me freak out. Before I know it, they are gone and I can’t hear their screaming anymore. After a minute, I freak out in my own silent way.

Then, I wake up to the sound of NPR programmed into my alarm clock.

Apparently, my dream must a manifestation of my inabilities to control a situation or even people for that matter. The Special Ed kids are really symbolic of the outcast or misfit I relate to the most. I am a deviant creature by nature. Not in the ritualistic, self-abusive, gothic sense, but in that I’m certainly most different than people I know.

See, so when you finally find a person you can relate to on the most sincere level and then you ‘can’t’ relate to them for some reason, you go through the usual motions. You dream, then you hope, then you grow sad, then despondent, angry, and finally you hit rock bottom: hate.

I’m not an emotional person, at least, I don’t think I am. I believe that I can be extremely graphic if I feel so inclined. I don’t sit around and feel sorry for myself all day.

My novelty retro alarm clock is set exactly to 2.5 hours before I have to be at work. I usually hit the snooze button 2 times, 3 times if I was up a little later than usual. I roll out of bed and think about how sore my back is from tossing and turning from my dysfunctional dreams. Then, I put in my 2 week contact lens that I’ve been using for the past month and a half, and hit the shower. After, decide why mood I’m in. Professional? Perhaps a light blue cotton spandex blend tight-fitted shirt with gray slacks and maybe even a blue striped tie to look cute? Maybe classic, a cream colored camisole with a black vintage cardigan with pearl buttons and even a pearl necklace? Or, rock and roll: a grey hooded vest with a skull on it, a wallet chain, and a Hello Kitty locket necklace?

One I’ve completed my attire that I’ll adorn for the rest of the day, I grab a matching purse, briefcase, clutch bag or satchel. And, I make sure I don’t leave without the sunglasses, car keys, work keys, cell phone, planner, and wallet. I place all those items in my designated carryall and hop into my Honda Civic. Depending on the mood, I’ll either turn on NPR (again) or listen to a CD while I drive to my destination. I could probably do it blindfolded and tell you exactly how long it will take for each traffic light to turn from red to green along the way. I know where all the pot holes all and when to swerve to avoid them without thinking twice. I know when to go the speed limit (or when I can speed) because I know all the locations that are designated speed trap areas. When I get to the train stop, I drive around and look for a space. I know I’m not going to get the first twelve available spaces closest to the train because all those people are on a predictable schedule too. I will park, grab my stuff, maybe look in the mirror to make sure my hair is ok or that I don’t have lipstick on my teeth, walk for approximately 5 minutes, give $2.50 for two tokens (one to get to work and one to leave). The black woman with the shoulder length hair will take my money, hand me the tokens, I’ll say thank you, and she’ll say you’re welcome. I’ll put my token in, and, if a train is coming, I can make it down the stairs in approximately 5 seconds.

But, there’s no flashes of hate there. I’m not carving a person’s name into my arm with a switchblade. There’s no thoughts of hate at all. There are simply just no thoughts. I’m not exuberant, nor am I angry or sad. I just am. And, unfortunately, it’s just been like this for a while. It’s not a sad existence, it’s just existence.

Perhaps why I’ve felt so inclined to depict these thoughts of mine so graphically is because I’ve been reading Fight Club. It was a book before a movie. I think I re-gravitated towards it because it speaks on so many levels and perhaps I felt a connection with the narrator, this individual that just exists to go to work and live this banal life. The portrayal is all too real and the person is just searching…I’m guess I’m just searching too.

Maybe, someday the love and hate will blend together. I do have to admit that I’m scared of what that would make.

Size Shouldn't Matter

2005-02-01T12:17:00.000-05:00

Dear Readers,

I’m guilty of something known in society as hypocrisy. We’re all familiar with it and it’s an awful, awful thing. I think that most people that are hypocritical don’t even know it. I fell into this trap and I’d like to make sure you people don’t either.

A blog that used to be here entitled “Size Does Matter”, which talked about a featurette in the February edition of Elle Magazine. In it, it discusses how women like Marilyn Monroe and Kate Moss have the same waist to hip ratio. It acknowledges that women who are a size 16 are still desirable among men (good) as long as they are proportionate (bad). At the time I read this little snippet, I only saw the good part of the article, so I hurriedly typed the thing onto my blog and wrote a few sentences praising buxom, hippy women.

Please note that after I posted it, I didn’t feel too great about it. I felt it was missing something and I verbally commented to people that I was probably going to go back and rewrite the thing.

However, today, I had a revelation. No one told me this directly, but I did have some indirect help from one of my good gal pals. I realized how fucking blind I had been this whole time.

The featurette was interesting and it was nice to see that if you happen to not be a thin waif like Kate Moss, you could still be seen as glamorous and beautiful. But, my hypocrisy lies in at least two places. First, what about the percentage that doesn’t fall within the ratio standard? What about all the women that eat healthy and exercise and just don’t fit the statistic? Why should a person’s genetics be their down fall? I thought to myself, wow, that’s just fucking horrible. It was easy for me to be hypocritical because I fell into the ratio. But, how would I have felt if, after doing their math equation, I wasn’t socially acceptable? I’d feel bad. And, I never wanted to make other women feel bad. My dream has actually been to empower them.

Second, I also inadvertently endorsed what other people thought, particularly men. Don’t get me wrong. I value what men have to say too, but if you think about it, why should a person fret all their life about what strangers who pee standing up think about their body? Isn’t it sad that a person can’t enjoy their life because of worries such as these? Here's a better ratio for you guys to be thinking about. We spend about 1/3 our life sleeping. We probably spend another 1/3 working and the last 1/3 is spend in worrying, self-loathing, and in despair. Well, that’s a pretty shitty life, isn’t it?

I don’t want to be the hypocrite anymore. I don’t want to go against what I believe in because what I believe in is that a woman, no matter what they look like, can do anything she puts her mind to. I don’t care if you’re underweight or overweight, big or small. I don’t care anymore. Why should I spend 1/3 of my life caring about keeping myself in the ratio or whether another woman is in the ratio? I’ve got a whole life to enjoy.

xoxo,
Kitxana

Generation Prozac

2005-01-22T23:21:00.000-05:00

As we are now in 2005, it’s become clearer that the children growing up now are going to be depressed. And, you can probably thank reality TV for this. The phenomena of Survivor and The Bachelor are over because a new hybrid has emerged. I turned on MTV the other night and there was a reality show entitled My Sweet 16 Party. I watched it because it like driving by a gruesome accident that catches your eye. You get reeled in not really because you’re noisy, but because it’s there and it’s just so horrible.

Anyways, it followed these two ultra-rich girls around as they prepared for their birthday party—putting the guest list together, handing out invitations, getting musical guests together, and shopping for the perfect outfit. They rented out some huge Hard Rock café and spent $100,000 on the whole thing. I actually don’t have a problem with these girls. It’s their life and they just got lucky that Mommy and Daddy happen to be wealthy, but the underlying message here is that young girls and boys will watch this show and wonder why they are forced to shop at Filenes’s and have their party in their parents’ dingy basement.

Because shows like this even have the term “Reality TV”, it sends an unconscious message to the audience that it is real. The audience then naturally compares their reality to that of the one on television. A younger, impressionable person may become saddened that their life involves waking up at 6:30AM, go to the bus stop, go to school, sit through boring classes, feel self-conscious because of their clothes and lack of popularity, then go back home to do homework. I can imagine it would be down-right depressing if you think you should have the life shown on tv. When these poor girls and boys grow up there will be Prozac and Zoloft candy dispensers at malls and gas stations across the nation.

The answer is not to boycott these shows. It’s free speech, it’s someone’s point of view. Perhaps it’s not to be taken seriously at all. Perhaps it is someone’s creation that is actually saying, “Look at how ridiculous these people are!” I think the answer to this (and many other things) lies within education.

Teach your children to question things. If someone is feeling saddened by the fact they don’t have lives like Paris Hilton, they need to wonder why that is. They need to examine themselves further because the mind is like a garden. Seeds can be planted by anyone or anything. We’d like to think since the garden is ours that we would be the only ones in control, but it’s not the case. Anyone can stop by and plant a seed. It’s so small and discreet; it may go unnoticed for a while. Then, when the seed starts budding, the type of plant is revealed. The ideas come to fruition. If it’s not productive to one’s being, it should be eradicated. People often just let the weeds run rampant in their garden. Why? It takes a lot of introspection, aka work, to upkeep the garden.

DEprogram yourself.

Funny Quotes from Work

2005-01-21T08:51:00.000-05:00

On a lighter note, here are some things that have been said at work. It was originally the CHRIS QUOTES PAGE, but eventually people were writing other stuff down on it. Hopefully you'll get a kick of out them. And feel free to post other wierd or stupid quotes that have been said at your work.

Kate: “What’s your sign?”
Chris: “Uh, ‘84”
Kate: “No, your sign . . .”

Chris: “What did Ike call him? Sha-nast-ee?”

Chris: "Have you ever noticed that fat people are really jolly? Cause all the fat people I know usually have a good personality to make up for the fact that they are fat. If a person is both unattractive and has a bad personality, that's two negatives, which isn't positive."

Paul: “Rose is just an unsafe person.”

A co-worker walks in the door with a bike seat and a wheel in hand.
Chris: (Totally serious looking at the one seat and wheel) “Did you really ride your uni-bike into work today?”

Two or three people were having a serious conversation about the Hindu Gods.
Chris pipes up and says, “Shiva? I thought it was She-ra . . .”

Shane: “Am I a total fat kid if I go get a brownie?”

Sales Ad from Craig’s List: “I have a beautiful, but soiled couch.”

Chris: “If you’re so cold, why don’t you get an electric coat?”
Rose (said like a wise-ass): “Well, why don’t you just get an electric chair?”

In some dive-bar in Boston after many pitchers of PBR:
Jason: (staring intensely at Darryl) Do you know anything about London?
Darryl: Yes, I lived there . . .
Jason: (stares at him for 5 seconds in silence then speaks) Burning?

Jason About Matt (the Lackey Original): “That kid inspires me to drink and abuse myself.”

Darryl leaving from work: “I have to go home NOW, I’ve got to see Isaac’s ugly mug in the morning anyways.”

Justin talking about a hideous co-worker: “I hate when you look down at a woman’s feet and they look like porkrindes.”

Justin: (Said a little too seriously) “That’s how my breasts are.”

Shane: “I don’t think he is bad looking but the look on his face is kind of doof-acy.”

Justin: (Said totally by accident) “The girls I had relationshizzles with . . .”

Chris: “Is this fashion or are you being a complete meatball?”

Rose: “Eww, my hands smell like nuts!”

The Sunday before, poor Chris was out drinking with his friends. One of them slipped a Viagra pill in his drink and he woke up the next morning having to go to work with a ‘slight’ problem.
Shane: “If I were Chris, I would have just waited to go home until someone relieved me.”

Chris: “I used to ate paste when I was young.”

Chris: “My vocabulary is very wide.”

Unknown, but written on the Quote page: “I knew I didn’t smell like shit!”

Chris on his cell phone having a serious conversation with a friend: “Where is my clown suit?”

Rose: “You’re raping my resume!”

Chris doing an impression of Jame Gumb (Silence of the Lambs): “Are you a size 14?”
Random co-worker that doesn’t know what was going on: “You should never guess a woman’s size.”
Chris/Jame Gumb: “Well, I gotta make a suit.”

A Few Quotes

2005-01-16T01:44:00.000-05:00

I've compiled some quotes by yours truly. Hopefully you will find some value in my words so they can help you out as they helped me.

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“Enlightenment leads to empowerment.”

Once you come to the realization that you are capable of anything, then you grant yourself the will to do anything.

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“I’ve spent my whole life trying to learn, but I should have spent it trying to UN-learn.”

By undoing the standards and expectations of society, you free yourself from mediocrity. I’ve been telling people all day that everyone’s goals and dreams are limited to the following:

- Meeting true love
- Getting a good job
- Owning a nice house
- Having children
- Looking younger than your age
- Retiring and traveling around the world

Although these are nice hopes and dreams, they are what society commands you to WANT. I’m sure people out there genuinely want these things, but let’s be objective now. You’ve been brainwashed since Day 1. Everyone and everything around suggests these things. To be truly happy, you must un-learn what society has taught you and that you can begin your journey with a clear mind as you discover your true heart and desires.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“Stop telling yourself you’ll do it when you have more time or money or when you feel comfortable.”

It’s a trap we all fall into. We delay our dreams consistently. We deprive ourselves from a transcendent type of happiness. It’s just always something. Don’t even give yourself the chance to say that to yourself. Just do it.

The Art of Zen

2005-01-13T01:12:00.000-05:00

I’m not a Zen-Buddhist know-it-all. I can’t tell you I’ve read a hundred books on the topic or even attended a seminar or two. After having some very serious conversations about zen with friends, all I can tell you is what it means to me.

Zen is a multi-dimensional concept to me. I think it’s the manner in which you look at the world—uninhibited by societal standards and other 'noise'. It’s the way you arrange the clothes and shoes in your closet to be more efficient when you get up in the morning. It’s knowing that you must consistently cleanse your living and work space of things that accumulate which have no meaning.

I think that finding zen or peace or purpose or whatever you personally call it is important because it requires you to step outside yourself and place yourself on an examining table. Looking at yourself objectively will give you clarity.

I was discussing this with a good friend of mine and we both agreed that the concept of ‘sight’ was a perfect analogy for zen. Maybe most people have a narrow range of perception where they can see one thing at a time. Once you’ve acquired zen, the range of vision is completely open. Limitless options exist and you could gravitate toward anything you see fit to.

Even simple things like getting a massage is zen to me--putting yourself in a dark room with serene music as you let your body go lifeless as someone focuses their energy onto you. You are experiencing something extraordinary because you’re temporarily taking yourself out of a world filled with fire engine sirens, noisy crowds and barking dogs. The only task you have it to make sure your breathing.

Letting go is the perfect way to say to yourself just how much control you have.

As I mentioned to some people today, Zen isn’t about having some Home-Medics water fountain from Linens N Things in your room next to your bamboo plant. It’s surrounding yourself with the things that have the most meaning to you.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

By the way, if you're living in the Boston area and you like sushi, check out this place

Oishi Sushi Restaurant
http://www.oishiisushi.com/frame_english.html

There's one in Chestnut Hill and Sudbury. I went there tonight and it was certainly an experience! The place was voted one of the top 10 Restaurants in the country.

Defining Happiness

2005-01-12T01:27:00.000-05:00

If you try to play by the rules, you MIGHT win,
But if you make your own, you WILL.

I’ve been plagued with a lot of thoughts these days wondering what I want to gain out of life. If I get off the T at BackBay station, get my small French vanilla Dunkin Donuts coffee, and, if I have a few minutes before work, I’ll sit on the benches outside near these ugly, green twisted-up horses. People walk by with their heads down because of the biting air and wind that dries up your eyes. It’s not necessarily the cold that makes these people look sad and bitter because some people look the same in the summertime. Maybe these poor people are caught in some weird dimension called society?

Ok, so check this out. What if you actually blocked out all the noise and static that fills your daily life? What if I made it so it was silent enough you could just really and truly listen to what your soul wants? And, I’m talking on a level more profound than you’ve ever thought you could be.

I’m talking about really just shoving aside the things that society really forces down your throat. You are taught to want to be RICH and HOT. And, rich means you’ve got bling coming out your ass while you zip by in a corvette. Hot means you look like Pam Anderson or Matt Damon. This is what society tells you to be. Then, you’ve got to eventually marry the complimentary counterpart, have children, and have your white picket fenced off American Dream house. You need to build your tiny suburban empire so you can die ‘happy’ someday.

Everyone wants to be happy, but happiness is something you can achieve once you become one with your heart and soul. Be good to yourself and be honest about what brings you joy. I think we try to do this to some extent, but the process in which we try to find happiness is still within the guidelines of society.

For the most part, I feel that happiness is buried within love…whether it be love for a person or persons, or being in love. Happiness can naturally be other things, but I would like to keep this discussion routed in the highest pinnacle of happiness that I could possibly comprehend---which is the most profound intertwining of two or more spirits.

So, when people say, “I want to be happy someday.” It like it’s almost code for, “I want to find someone (who has never been married or has kids previously) that I will fall in love with in a fairytale manner and, I’ll eventually have two children while simultaneously climbing the corporate ladder to success.”

Isn’t it sad that we can so easily define another person’s happiness?

I'm Sorry I Haven't Posted

2005-01-08T14:38:00.000-05:00

Sorry that I have been MIA for the past month. It's so easy to get lost in this Holiday nonsense each year.

I promise I'll post again very soon here!

But, in the meantime, do me a favor. Check out my friend's website here. It's oddball content with an intellectual spin. (And, please click on a Google ad so he can make some money too. Thanks!)

http://home.comcast.net/~snag1313/

"Hi, I'd like to purchase some character...again"

2004-12-05T10:28:00.000-05:00

There’s a lot of good comments posted by everyone. I think some people might have misunderstood what I was trying to say. So, here’s a summary of what my main points are:

- Some people do not recognize that there’s meaning for different things. The uniform of someone in the Marines or the Army is symbolic of an individual that has made a gesture to this country to protect life and liberty. The uniform of a priest or a nun is symbolic of a person who has dedicated the rest of their life to God and religion. The American flag is a symbol of this country, unity, freedom, etc. And, while it’s not a crime to burn the flag, perhaps someone should at least know what it stands for before they do it. It is quite possible that it has another meaning to them, thus that is why they’d go and burn it.

- The other thing is, I’m not talking about the average person wearing the styles I talked about. I’m talking about people who have more money than God who can’t think for themselves…who have their stylist prepare their wardrobe…who wouldn’t get caught dead talking to people like you and me, yet, they are wearing what we wear. Do they even know who really wears that stuff? Where it came from? No, and they couldn’t care less. Just as long as J.Lo is wearing it, they have to wear it too. THAT is who I’m talking about.

- So, basically: Don’t be mindless AND mainstream, hollywood fashion is just ironic. That’s all.

I don’t believe in limiting yourself to anything. I like Couture and Designer stuff, but that doesn’t mean Old Navy isn’t good enough for me anymore. I think being open-minded is great. And, I especially love people who dissent anything that’s mainstream and I love irony in fashion. If you’re wearing the Army fatigues as a statement of some sort, good for you. If you’re wearing them BECAUSE you saw everyone and their mother wearing them, maybe you’ve got to recheck yourself.

A 'Great' Idea

2004-12-02T23:54:00.000-05:00

Ok, so several days ago, I see my boss, a former Recon Marine Vietnam Vet, walking down the hallway on camera. As some of you know, my office has a half door that you can close. It almost looks like a service window with it shut. So, naturally, I take this opportunity for a prank. My boss comes to the door from the other side and says hi to my co-worker inside. I jumped up from under the door like a jack in the box and got a swift karate crop to the face and fall right on my ass! All day people were coming down and asking me what I was thinking doing that to a man that our government trained to be dangerous. What’s even funnier is that people were like, “And, YOU’RE Asian too!”

“Hi, I’d like to purchase some character . . .”

2004-11-24T13:40:00.000-05:00

This is turning out to be the decade of the pseudo, blue-collar working Joe coupled with tributes (maybe more mockery) to the trailer park men and women of America. It’s a crime…a social one…to be presenting yourself as something you aren’t and actually strive NOT to be. It’s total hypocrisy, stupidity, and mind-less consumerism.

Like I said, I’m on the frontlines of witnessing people walk around like zombies with their greedy eyes and, frankly, I need to write about it.

Celebrities like Ashton Kutcher and Justin Timberlake go to their red carpet appearances in John Deer and Von Dutch trucker hats. That’s the proud symbol of the working men who bleed and sweat in their profession. Yeah, just steal it all away. It’s not just the trucker hats, but it’s also the abused, dirty-looking jeans, and the tan construction boots. Some people go so far as to wear the sacred army camouflage BDU’s with designer combat boots and a shiny silver dog tag with rhinestones. That’s a disgrace to the men and women of this country that put their lives on the line for both you and me.

It’s the women, too. Paris Hilton and Britney Spears wearing their Juicy Couture terry cloth leisure suits (yes, and trucker hats also) with jelly bags and tiny tees that proclaim they are white trash or that they love drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon. Yeah, these people are stealing from people like you and me.

Designers have seen this trend in its fullest effect and it’s just so easy to capitalize off it. I’ve seen ultra-distressed jeans for $230. Were you wearing these jeans when you were attacked by a rabid dog? Glitzy dog tags sell from $50-$200. It is morbid if you’re parading with a fake one around your neck. Do these people even know what it means? It’s used as a way to ID you so when they take your dead body from Iraq, they can ship your body back to the right family. According to my buddy Snag, they’ll even kick the dog tag into your teeth so it doesn’t accidently get separated from your body and serves to preserve accurate identification through dental records. And, you’ll go around wearing this shit for fashion? Maybe next time my friends and I see a guy with a fake dog tag, we’ll kick it into his teeth…

They sell beat-to-hell looking furniture--prematurely aged and weathered to your liking. They sell this stuff to you with rust, stains, and clipped paint. And, your house is supposed to have that antiqued quality implying that you’re surrounded by heirlooms passed down from generation to generation. It doesn’t seem to matter if that’s not true.

The thing is, these people who are responsible for feeding into these fashions and trends don’t want to have anything to do with you. They don’t want to be working 40 hours a week at a construction site, living off food stamps--barely making any money to survive, and driving the kids back and forth to school in a wood paneled station wagon. They look down upon us and would rather be partying in the Hamptons with all the other celebrities. They don’t have anything really that defines them from everyone else. That’s inherently what fashion is anyways, otherwise, the there wouldn’t even be an industry.

These people really just don’t have any character of their own and they can’t figure out why they STILL feel plain and ordinary. So, gradually, people started realizing that it’s the regular people in this country that have the most character. It’s reflected in their tattered clothing--brands like Dickies and Carhartt, and the jobs they have whether it is a young, poor mother or a hardened soldier. It’s brilliant! We’ll market character to these people. It fills the void they all have.

And, here’s even more hypocrisy for you. Everyone is getting their eyes stretched to the back of their heads--the ‘I got punched in the mouth’ lips, watermelons for boobs, fake J.Lo butts or insert calf muscles--and these people are melting the age off their face like a slice of butter on a warm piece of bread.

It’s ironically hypocritical. People go out of their way to pay for character in their objects, yet they also go out of their way to take away character from their bodies.

Check This Out

2004-11-22T23:55:00.000-05:00

Hey, Everyone, please check out a blog by a buddy of mine.

http://snag1313.blogspot.com/

Also, here is something interesting that I thought all you guys would like to read. I saw this on Inari's website.

http://chocolatmenier.blogspot.com/

"My fellow Americans, the people of this nation have spoken, and spoken with a clear voice. So I am here to offer my concession.

I concede that I overestimated the intelligence of the American people. Though the people disagree with the President on almost every issue, you saw fit to vote for him. I never saw that coming. That's really special. And I mean "special" in the sense that we use it to describe those kids who ride the short school bus and find ways to injure themselves while eating pudding with rubber spoons. That kind of special.

I concede that I misjudged the power of hate. That's pretty powerful stuff, and I didn't see it. So let me take a moment to congratulate the President's strategists: Putting the gay marriage amendments on the ballot in various swing states like Ohio... well, that was just genius. Genius. It got people, a certain kind of people, to the polls. The unprecedented number of folks who showed up and cited "moral values" as their biggest issue, those people changed history. The folks who consider same sex marriage a more important issue than war, or terrorism, or the economy... Who'd have thought the election would belong to them? Well, Karl Rove did. Gotta give it up to him for that. [Boos.] Now, now. Credit where it's due.

I concede that I put too much faith in America's youth. With 8 out of 10 of you opposing the President, with your friends and classmates dying daily in a war you disapprove of, with your future being mortgaged to pay for rich old peoples' tax breaks, you somehow managed to sit on your asses and watch the Cartoon Network while aging homophobic hillbillies carried the day. You voted with the exact same anemic percentage that you did in 2000. You suck. Seriously, y'do.

There are some who would say that I sound bitter, that now is the time for healing, to bring the nation together. Let me tell you a little story. Last night, I watched the returns come in with family and friends. As the night progressed, people began to talk half-seriously about secession, a red state / blue state split. The reasoning was this: We in blue states produce the vast majority of the wealth in this country and pay the most taxes, and you in the red states receive the majority of the money from those taxes while complaining about 'em. We in the blue states are the only ones who've been attacked by foreign terrorists, yet you in the red states are gung ho to fight a war in our name. We in the blue states produce the entertainment that you consume so greedily each day, while you in the red states show open disdain for us and our values. Blue state civilians are the actual victims and targets of the war on terror, while red state civilians are the ones standing behind us and yelling "Oh, yeah!? Bring it on!"

More than 40% of you Bush voters still believe that Saddam Hussein had something to do with 9/11. I'm impressed by that, truly I am. Your sons and daughters who might die in this war know it's not true, the people in the urban centers where Al Qaeda wants to attack know it's not true, but those of you who are at practically no risk believe this easy lie because you can. As part of my concession speech, let me say that I really envy that luxury. I concede that.

Healing? We, the people at risk from terrorists, the people who subsidize you, the people who speak in glowing and respectful terms about the heartland of America while that heartland insults and excoriates us... we wanted some healing. We spoke loud and clear. And you refused to give it to us, largely because of your high moral values. You knew better: America doesn't need its allies, doesn't need to share the burden, doesn't need to unite the world, doesn't need to provide for its future. Hell no. Not when it's got a human shield of pointy-headed, atheistic, unconfrontational breadwinners who are willing to pay the bills and play nice in the vain hope of winning a vote that we can never have. Because we're "morally inferior," I suppose, we are supposed to respect your values while you insult ours. And the big joke here is that for 20 years, we've done just that.

It's not a "ha-ha" funny joke, I realize, but it's a joke all the same.

And I make this pledge to you today: Next time, there will be no pandering. We will run with all the open and joking contempt for our opponents that the President demonstrated towards the cradle of liberty, the Ivy League intellectuals, the "media elite," and the "white-wine sippers." We will not pretend that the simple folk of America know just as much as the people who devote their lives to serving and studying the nation and the world. They don't.

So that's why we're asking for your vote in 2008, America. I'm talking to you, you ignorant, slack-jawed yokels, you bible-thumping, inbred drones, you redneck, racist, chest-thumping, perennially duped grade-school grads. We know better, and I truly believe that we can help your smug, sorry asses. And may God, if he does in fact exist, bless each and every one of you."

By comedian Mark Fedler

Another Moment of Disgrace

2004-11-21T21:56:00.000-05:00

So, the other day my boss runs into our office and tells us to pull a camera up on a high-profile suspect. This individual had been known to try to steal expensive items in the past. One of my co-workers started to leave the office to monitor the suspect from the sales floor, but stops to look for an extra radio. My boss looks over and sees one clipped to the side of my pants. He reaches for it, removes it quickly from my waistband and tries to hand it to my co-worker. The only thing was the radio was still clipped to my damn thong. The really humiliating part is that he actually managed to get the radio 15 inches away from my body and everyone was there to see it!

But, I suppose, what’s even worse is that there was a grilled cheese sandwich that was on ebay because it bore the Virgin Mary. Diana Duyser, a 52 year old woman from Miami, FL, almost ate this delectable sandwich 10 years ago when she looked down at it. Ever since then, it has been sealed in a clear plastic case and protected with some cotton balls. I’m sure this will forever change her life--not necessarily experiencing the ‘miracle’ but the money she’ll get from it. Last I heard, there was a bid for over $5,000 to get it.

And, no, I am not going to put a picture of that ugly thing on my blogsite. If you want to see it yourself, you’re going to have to google it.

Searching For the Higher Ideal

2004-11-19T18:15:00.000-05:00

For those of you who know me, I work as an investigator for a prestigious retailer. And, this particular place I work in is a cut-throat sadistic environment that thrives on the people who need luxury, the brand-name, or the epitome of material possession.

It is the “Consumer” I speak of, however, it is not an ordinary one. For example, it can be women in their late forties with blond-streaked hair (hell, they don’t even remember what they are naturally), foreheads that don’t crinkle, and manicured hands carrying a Chanel clutch purse like a World Series trophy. They are secretly unhappy with their lives. Their husbands wear Ralph Lauren Polo on the weekends and when they are getting down and dirty at the golf course, they might even throw on Polo Sport. Hell, the husband isn’t happy either. These men need the newest watch from Alpha Omega. If you have a watch with three different time zones on it, it makes you appear to be an important, savvy businessman. The men will put on their best grey Armani suit (retail value $5,500) because someone else might be able to tell the difference. But, see, these men and women ‘think’ they are happy. Shopping is like a drug and they are the addict. They must always have the new thing. If these people opened the latest In Style or GQ magazine and found pictures of Jennifer Anniston and Brad Pitt wearing shit-stained denim pants, damn, you bet they’d be the first to jump into their BMWs and wave their black Amex cards around to purchase them.

“That’s different,” says a good buddy of mine. “I’m into my possessions, but there is meaning behind them. Sentimental value and memories are associated with my belongings.”

I think to myself, yeah, that makes sense. We all have our items: stuffed teddy bears that kept us safe from the Boogie Man, a necklace from your first boyfriend, trophies from Karate competitions. Yes, these are different from the crap you buy at a mall or the trendy new hat that Ashton Kutcher is wearing.

See, I guess my buddy is dealing with a little bit more. He’s a good person with the best intentions, but I think he’s still trying to figure out who he is. He is at a crossroads in his life. He seems like he sincerely wants to start a new life with a particular person, but there are things that are holding him back.

For example, his living space is at stake here. A lot of time and money as well as joy and tears went into his place. Naturally, many memories were cultivated in this place and it has a comforting familiarity in the air. Maybe there are nicks in the doorframe to measure how tall you were at each age or it’s the place where your wife told you she was finally pregnant. Whatever it maybe, there are those warm, fuzzy feelings inside when you get home after a long, hard day.

So, my question is, when does the ‘act of possessing’ become destructive?

The obvious answer was the picture of those dysfunctional men and women I portrayed earlier who gladly feed into the idea of consumerism. But, it seems like even the meaningful ‘things’ have the potential of inhibiting the development of oneself.

The key word is ‘things’ here. All of these things are just simply things. What good is the hotrod you maintained and customized for years if you’ve got no one to drive it to or no one to show it to? How valuable is a white gold wedding band on your finger if you never got married? How sentimental are the photographs of a trip you took to Italy if you went alone?

See, my friends, it’s the people that give your objects meaning in the first place. It’s the people who you love and cherish that make the objects worth possessing. If you deny these people existence in your life, you inherently don’t exist.

The relationships you forge throughout your life are the higher ideal people should strive for. Your life is all woven together like an intricate fabric. Everything starts with you and ends with you, thus when there is pulling and snags, its ruins the alignment of the other pieces of string. Once you have straightened out your misperception of the role of objects, then you’ll start to flow through life easier and make the positive impacts many so badly want to make.

If the Republicans don't get laid, neither do you.

2004-11-17T04:25:00.000-05:00

Abortion. It's a hot topic in the US considering Bush was re-elected on the so-called 'morality' vote. I'm sorry, but it seems more like the celibacy vote. Most of these people who would need the procedure for abortion probably could not afford contraception like condoms (3 for $7.39) and birth control ($10-$45 per month IF you have healthcare) in the first place. A Republican would probably suggest using the money from a previous tax break, but it doesn't really matter when you're so behind. You're going to think of more immediate things like rent or food first.

What if you were using contraception and you or your mate still got pregnant? Well, guess what? You're fucked. Well, I suppose if there's still legislation allowing abortion in extreme cases like incest or rape, you could lie and make up a story about how you or your significant other got raped and you just have no clue what the perp looks like. And, if that doesn't work, break out the coat hanger.

You also have to realize that younger girls who accidently get pregnant are going to be doing the coat hanger thing. This will lead to early deaths or health complications that will follow these girls through the rest of their lives. If they do keep the baby, they'll have to drop out of school to take care of their child and live with the stigma or 'the scarlet letter' of having sex. Not to mention the increase of poor people. If more and more people are dropping out of school, they aren't going to meet the educational requirements to get the job to support their new baby.

Wait a second. Men don't get away scott free or anything either. Remember what child support is? If you're the father of this child, a percentage of YOUR wages goes to that child. Wow! There goes your tax break! Oh, damn, and if you voted for Bush so you could get your tax break, that's where it's going to go anyways . . .

So, basically, it seems as though the only way to steer clear of a sticky situation like this is to be celebate. And, it seems like the underlying message is that the only reason why you'd have sex is to have children. Funny, I don't recall them talking about that at the RNC this year. If you're between 18 and 40 yrs old, you expect to getting laid right now (for fun), and you voted Republican, you need to go back to the drawing board and figure out exactly WHAT you voted for.

Why the Blog?

2004-11-15T20:30:00.000-05:00

Hey, guys, I've started this blog to share anything humorous or political or just to bitch about something. I plan on posting a few times during the week here and there, so please check it out whenever you get a chance and feel free to post any comments! Hell, you guys should start your own!

Oh, yeah, and this Saturday, you'll be happy to know that just about every dog that passed by my car that day probably pissed on it. Since it was snowing and cold, I looked like poor Kenny from Southpark all bundled up. I was digging around in my backpack for something and I look up. There's this guy standing near my car. He notices me, looks a bit startled, and then tugs on his little brown dog pissing on my car. I couldn't even yell at him because of that hood of mine. At least I'll have that one shiny tire all winter . . .