Funny Quotes from Work
On a lighter note, here are some things that have been said at work. It was originally the CHRIS QUOTES PAGE, but eventually people were writing other stuff down on it. Hopefully you'll get a kick of out them. And feel free to post other wierd or stupid quotes that have been said at your work.
Kate: “What’s your sign?”
Chris: “Uh, ‘84”
Kate: “No, your sign . . .”
Chris: “What did Ike call him? Sha-nast-ee?”
Chris: "Have you ever noticed that fat people are really jolly? Cause all the fat people I know usually have a good personality to make up for the fact that they are fat. If a person is both unattractive and has a bad personality, that's two negatives, which isn't positive."
Paul: “Rose is just an unsafe person.”
A co-worker walks in the door with a bike seat and a wheel in hand.
Chris: (Totally serious looking at the one seat and wheel) “Did you really ride your uni-bike into work today?”
Two or three people were having a serious conversation about the Hindu Gods.
Chris pipes up and says, “Shiva? I thought it was She-ra . . .”
Shane: “Am I a total fat kid if I go get a brownie?”
Sales Ad from Craig’s List: “I have a beautiful, but soiled couch.”
Chris: “If you’re so cold, why don’t you get an electric coat?”
Rose (said like a wise-ass): “Well, why don’t you just get an electric chair?”
In some dive-bar in Boston after many pitchers of PBR:
Jason: (staring intensely at Darryl) Do you know anything about London?
Darryl: Yes, I lived there . . .
Jason: (stares at him for 5 seconds in silence then speaks) Burning?
Jason About Matt (the Lackey Original): “That kid inspires me to drink and abuse myself.”
Darryl leaving from work: “I have to go home NOW, I’ve got to see Isaac’s ugly mug in the morning anyways.”
Justin talking about a hideous co-worker: “I hate when you look down at a woman’s feet and they look like porkrindes.”
Justin: (Said a little too seriously) “That’s how my breasts are.”
Shane: “I don’t think he is bad looking but the look on his face is kind of doof-acy.”
Justin: (Said totally by accident) “The girls I had relationshizzles with . . .”
Chris: “Is this fashion or are you being a complete meatball?”
Rose: “Eww, my hands smell like nuts!”
The Sunday before, poor Chris was out drinking with his friends. One of them slipped a Viagra pill in his drink and he woke up the next morning having to go to work with a ‘slight’ problem.
Shane: “If I were Chris, I would have just waited to go home until someone relieved me.”
Chris: “I used to ate paste when I was young.”
Chris: “My vocabulary is very wide.”
Unknown, but written on the Quote page: “I knew I didn’t smell like shit!”
Chris on his cell phone having a serious conversation with a friend: “Where is my clown suit?”
Rose: “You’re raping my resume!”
Chris doing an impression of Jame Gumb (Silence of the Lambs): “Are you a size 14?”
Random co-worker that doesn’t know what was going on: “You should never guess a woman’s size.”
Chris/Jame Gumb: “Well, I gotta make a suit.”
Kate: “What’s your sign?”
Chris: “Uh, ‘84”
Kate: “No, your sign . . .”
Chris: “What did Ike call him? Sha-nast-ee?”
Chris: "Have you ever noticed that fat people are really jolly? Cause all the fat people I know usually have a good personality to make up for the fact that they are fat. If a person is both unattractive and has a bad personality, that's two negatives, which isn't positive."
Paul: “Rose is just an unsafe person.”
A co-worker walks in the door with a bike seat and a wheel in hand.
Chris: (Totally serious looking at the one seat and wheel) “Did you really ride your uni-bike into work today?”
Two or three people were having a serious conversation about the Hindu Gods.
Chris pipes up and says, “Shiva? I thought it was She-ra . . .”
Shane: “Am I a total fat kid if I go get a brownie?”
Sales Ad from Craig’s List: “I have a beautiful, but soiled couch.”
Chris: “If you’re so cold, why don’t you get an electric coat?”
Rose (said like a wise-ass): “Well, why don’t you just get an electric chair?”
In some dive-bar in Boston after many pitchers of PBR:
Jason: (staring intensely at Darryl) Do you know anything about London?
Darryl: Yes, I lived there . . .
Jason: (stares at him for 5 seconds in silence then speaks) Burning?
Jason About Matt (the Lackey Original): “That kid inspires me to drink and abuse myself.”
Darryl leaving from work: “I have to go home NOW, I’ve got to see Isaac’s ugly mug in the morning anyways.”
Justin talking about a hideous co-worker: “I hate when you look down at a woman’s feet and they look like porkrindes.”
Justin: (Said a little too seriously) “That’s how my breasts are.”
Shane: “I don’t think he is bad looking but the look on his face is kind of doof-acy.”
Justin: (Said totally by accident) “The girls I had relationshizzles with . . .”
Chris: “Is this fashion or are you being a complete meatball?”
Rose: “Eww, my hands smell like nuts!”
The Sunday before, poor Chris was out drinking with his friends. One of them slipped a Viagra pill in his drink and he woke up the next morning having to go to work with a ‘slight’ problem.
Shane: “If I were Chris, I would have just waited to go home until someone relieved me.”
Chris: “I used to ate paste when I was young.”
Chris: “My vocabulary is very wide.”
Unknown, but written on the Quote page: “I knew I didn’t smell like shit!”
Chris on his cell phone having a serious conversation with a friend: “Where is my clown suit?”
Rose: “You’re raping my resume!”
Chris doing an impression of Jame Gumb (Silence of the Lambs): “Are you a size 14?”
Random co-worker that doesn’t know what was going on: “You should never guess a woman’s size.”
Chris/Jame Gumb: “Well, I gotta make a suit.”
posted by Kitxana at 8:51 AM
3 Comments:
OK. Who is Chris and why is he saying all of these hilarious things? That was my job in LP!!
Gosh.. just go up to cosmetics for a few hours and you'll have a week's worth of ridiculous statements to blog. :)
Jill
Miss you guys....tommy is good ( I think) haven't sat on his ass in awhile!! Thanks for this Blog, brings back some memories...
Glad you guys like the quotes, thought it would be nice to read something funny for once, haahaa. :) Keep in touch and take care!
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