The Notorious Bettie Page

This movie came out a few weeks ago and since then, I have been meaning to write about it. (PS: I have been so busy, I feel like I haven't any time for blogging lately. Hopefully, it will slow down a bit now that the summer is here.) It was done well considering what they had to work with and when I say that, I mean that Bettie wasn’t some heroin addict whore who got found salvation in being a pinup model. It’s not like the whole act of posing saved her from something. She really just kind of fell into it. I think that’s why people who saw it didn’t really think it was a great movie. They didn’t sensationalize her the way they usually do in these biographical dramas. If you have read any books on Bettie, you will probably understand why I thought the movie wasn’t bad like all the critics made it out to be. If you haven’t seen this movie yet, I would recommend it. If it is still playing, it’s only in select movie theaters around the country.

Nobody Loves You

These are lyrics from a Garbage song called "Nobody Loves You". Not trying to be morbid, just trying to be expressive about an aspect of myself.

Watching the days slip by so fast
Knowing our fate has long been cast
Working our fingers to the bone
Cause nobody loves you when you're gone
Coughing up feeling just for you
To find something real to hold on to
But there is a hole inside my heart
Where all of my love comes pouring out
You know you'll always be my man
But grab yourself sweetness where you can
Cause sooner or later we're going to die

Left to the dogs under the sky
I cracked a piece of broken glass
Coughing up feeling just for you
To find something real to hold on to
But there is a hole inside my heart
Where waves of my love come tumbling out
You say that all the good is gone
That i have forgotten who i am
Free as a bird
Wild as the wind
But somehow i cannot let you in

The Old Office

Yes, I do miss my old office. Shame that I never even bothered to decorate it. I was told that I'd only be working in that building temporarily. So, unfortunetely, I'm working out of a "large cube" now. But, for those of you who didn't see the former office, here are the pictures. If it looks like a tornado came through, it was because I was in the middle of moving.

Two Sides of Marilyn Monroe

I recently saw a documentary on Marilyn. She has always been an intriguing person, but people remember her beauty, style, and grace, not for the internal turmoil she experienced through her life.

The documentary portrayed her as a female who yielded a lot of power, but the only one she did not have power over was her alter ego, Marilyn Monroe. She was born as Norma Jean Baker, and interestingly enough, individuals that interacted with Marilyn stated that sometimes she had referred to herself in third person.

Maybe there were duel personalities? I suppose others would think it’s rather troubling. I think it’s intriguing because maybe she was very much in control of “Marilyn Monroe” and who she wanted her to be. I personally believe she knew there were two different people there. And, I think maybe what was depressing to her is that she knew people loved Marilyn Monroe, but what about loving Norma Jean Baker?

She is not alone. I think I have my Norma Jean side and my Marilyn side. The Marilyn side is my best foot forward, my controlled, savvy self. The Norma Jean side is my more vulnerable self, less likely to come out. I almost never let that side out. In fact, someone the other day asked my how I can be so cool about a situation…how do I have the ability to just let it roll off me like raindrops? Then, about a week ago, people who I had not seen (and barely knew me by the way) showered me with so many compliments. “Wow, you look great! You always have such style!” “How’s the job? Exciting I bet!”

I politely thank them for their compliments. I am never ungrateful, but it is almost as if I feel guilt because I’m just showing them what I want to show them. It’s not really real sometimes, I choose to show them my Marilyn side, so it is almost as though it does not deserve a compliment. It’s nothing extraordinary really because we are all the same.

ReInvention

The morphing of oneself is important to survival. In other words, it’s growth. The word “growth” has lost its initial thrust and power due to the excessive use in common conversation. I use the term “reinvention” in its place.

We are all constantly changing inside. This means that this change needs to work its way outward as well. I have learned over the years that if it does not, this will be trapped inside—imprisoned.

I have learned that if I’m not learning or exploring, I get bored—stale—despondent even. I wake up in the morning and it is nothing special, but I must remind myself that everyday that I have the ability to wake is miraculous.

People say, “Life is not a movie.” If life isn’t a movie, why is it some of the best movies are about people’s lives? But, people do not mentally extend themselves beyond that. Isn’t reality in the eye of the beholder?

For example, I have always thought that a photographer has a special ability. It is not just a person using a point and click device. They can give you proof of their adventures. The photos are usually real—raw—ripe with emotion. The photographer is showing you what they see. And, it’s the perfect metaphor for how I think people should view their lives.

Look at your life through an artistic lens. You will be surprised what you will see.

ReInvention has saved me many times in my life. It has given me the opportunity to reflect on myself every few months. I creates the newness I need to keep life interesting and entertaining—building upon the good and scraping away at the bad.

The Abortion Rights Battle: Why Are We Here Again?

The fact that this is even still an issue troubles me. It almost appears as though we’ve regressed as a society. Perhaps its us women that got a little ‘sloppy’ in dealing with our affairs and rights. I think that maybe we were conned or wanted to be conned into thinking that the equal rights struggle was over. All of us, and I do mean all of us, have let down our guard.

Yes, we kind of got distracted thinking that the mess was cleaned up. Apparently, the puddle was still there and now we have just slipped in it. Now, you have two options. You can get back up or you could just lay there and get trampled.

I was reading an article on Yahoo! News with someone quoted as saying, “I don’t think it should be a woman’s issue….It should be viewed as a human-rights issue because the babies have a right to life.” It struck me as quite the contradiction because women are human and stating that it should be about human rights is almost stating that women are not human. But, sadly, maybe that’s what some people are trying to say.

If we let random individuals in this country have a say as to what you do with your body, then we’re in big trouble. It would probably start a tidal wave effect. It would not happen overnight, but gradually overtime. It could effect your right to get cosmetic surgery—anything from breast implants to laser eye surgery. People would argue that it is not natural to tamper with the body. If you were born with a clef or no eyelids, the option to get corrective surgery may not be an option anymore. But, when it comes down to it, what is the purpose of these surgical procedures? Whether it be medical or cosmetic, it exists to improve the quality of life. Likewise, I believe that the option for a termination procedure exists to improve a person’s quality of life. More than likely, a 14-year old female is not ready to be a mother. A female should not have to carry the baby of someone who raped her. Sometimes contraception fails. Or, sometimes people just make mistakes. If possible, why should that person have to live with that mistake for the rest of her life...or even his life for that matter?

The Secrets of Truth and Happiness

I’m starting to believe that it is in our DNA to make ourselves unhappy. Because, when you actually are happy, you either feel guilty for feeling happy or being happy just does not feel right. There’s always something looming underneath the surface that will undermine your happiness. But, I do believe that if we are conscious of this, we can take a step back, take a deep breath and keep yourself in check.

Thinking has always been a dangerous thing. If my thoughts progress in a particular direction, then that can affect the way I am, how I see things, or what I do for the rest of the day or for a week. Then, once the tide changes, the perception will change. It’s easier to be busy. It is because you don’t have to face your concerns, you don’t have to face the truth.

This is interesting because many people are constantly on the go with busy work schedules and life maintenance tasks. So, there are no opportunities to face the truth. In fact, the truth disappears temporarily. The truth does not exist. But, it’s still there buried beneath the dishes that need to be washed or within the paperwork that needs to be sifted through. There’s no need to say what’s on your mind, there’s nothing you have to get off your chest, there aren’t feelings of loneliness or depression.

But, when you finally sit back in your chair for a second and think, it’s all there. It doesn’t hit you like a brick thrown at your head, but truth seeps over your body very slowly. You sink into it like quicksand.

But, maybe I was wrong. Maybe it’s not in our DNA to be naturally unhappy with ourselves. Maybe it’s really just a matter of confronting the truth? Hopefully someday I’ll know. It seems to make sense. If a person can be truthful in every aspect of their life, there’s no more hiding or covering up or deceiving…no more being things you just aren’t. You could be more free as a person and then maybe that would at least provide you with a clean palette before you can start to figure out what will truly make you happy.

I believe (meaning that this is my opinion) I’ve been good at looking into myself—being introspective in trying to figure out how I am and what will make me happy. I think that I’m doing well in comparison to other people in my age bracket. However, I get so easily frustrated with other people who consistently fail to confront the truth. It’s rather annoying when people run away from it and they even know they run away from it. I can’t imagine a life where one is always running because eventually you’ll collapse and fall.

I think there are a lot of people who ponder, why am I here? What’s my purpose in this life, in this world especially if someday we will die anyways? I would think there had to be an objective, otherwise, what’s the point, right? And, that being said, an objective is something that is not easy, it is not given. It’s actually something that’s hard. That being said, it seems like all of mankind would being striving for something not easy. It would be working towards something, but tangible things are easier to attain versus non-tangible things. So, based on that, it’s something non-tangible. So, it has to be some kind of concept. Mankind lives for the purpose of gaining some sort of concept. The most sought after conceptual thing I can think of is love. Thus, it seems, mankind’s objective is love.

If we live for love, then it seems like the only thing that should upset us is if we don’t have this love we look for. Forget about the fact some guy cut you off or that you didn’t meet the deadline for a project at work or that your acrylic nail broke off. It seems like love is the essence of why we live, not anything else really. It seems to be my experience that if a person appears to be seriously despondent by trifle things that occur in life, they are using it as a distraction, a coping mechanism. It’s merely another layer to peel away before you get to the truth.
I think that people who are fortunate enough to find love are damn lucky. It makes a person’s existence more bright and crisp. Maybe the food tastes a little better, or the sun’s a little brighter. Maybe the music is more touching or the laughter is a bit more genuine. And, even though someone might try to come around to tell you the food is just the same or the weather’s the same as the day before, it won’t matter because the truth is what you perceive it to be. A person’s truth is defined by the person. So, as long as someone is truthful to himself—his soul—the fibers of his being, then that’s all that matters. Perhaps that is the road to happiness.